A Circle of Control activity that makes room for real life.
Some things are up to us. Some things aren’t. Plenty of things fall somewhere in between. Opening Play’s interactive Circle of Control gives therapists, counselors and coaches a visual, flexible way to explore those differences with clients of different ages.
Start with an example circle, or build a personal one using the situations, people and experiences that matter to the person in front of you.
14 days free. No card needed.
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Circle of Control: a finished circle
A closer look
The Circle of Control is a simple idea with a surprisingly wide range of uses. We all spend time thinking about things we wish we could change. Someone else’s behavior. A disappointing outcome. A rule we disagree with. A situation that feels unfair.
Sometimes we have control. Sometimes we have influence. Sometimes neither. The Circle of Control helps us see the difference.
Opening Play turns that familiar exercise into an interactive activity you explore together, with pieces to sort, situations to discuss and room for different perspectives.
It’s not about getting every answer right. It’s about noticing where our attention goes and deciding what to do next.
Two ways to begin
Every session is different. Your Circle of Control can be, too.
Start here
Begin with familiar examples and talk about what belongs inside the circle, outside it or somewhere along the boundary. It’s a simple way to introduce the idea without asking someone to share something personal right away.
Read the pieces together. Ask what they’d move. Talk about the ones that aren’t so obvious.
Sometimes the most interesting conversation starts when you disagree about where something belongs.
Make it theirs
Make the activity specific to the person you’re working with. Choose from ready-made pieces, rename them in their words or write your own.
Maybe it’s a friendship, a teacher, a difficult conversation, a job interview or something happening at home. A personal circle gives you something concrete to explore together.
How it works
Three simple stages give you a way to introduce the Circle of Control, make it personal and connect it to everyday life.
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Explore: the example circle
Start with an example. Look at what’s inside the circle, what’s outside and what might sit along the boundary.
Ask what they notice. Do they agree with the placements? Would they move anything? There’s room to question the example before creating their own.
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Make: building their own circle
Choose pieces and drag them into place. Use familiar topics or add something specific to their life.
The inner circle is What I Can Control. The outer ring is What I Cannot Control. The line between makes room for things that aren’t entirely one or the other. This is their circle, so their reasoning matters.
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Reflect: talking about the finished circle
Once the pieces are in place, take a look together. Where is most of their energy going? Is something outside the circle taking up a lot of space? Is there something inside the circle they want to try?
Sometimes reflection leads to a next step. Sometimes it simply helps someone recognize what they’ve been carrying. Download the finished circle to revisit later. Opening Play doesn’t keep a copy.
For different ages
The Circle of Control isn’t just for children learning about big feelings. It can be introduced to a ten-year-old, revisited with a teenager and explored with a college student or an adult navigating work, relationships and responsibilities. The idea stays the same. The conversation changes.
About ages 8 to 12
“Can you control what someone else does? What about what you do next?”
With younger children, start with situations they recognize. A classmate says something unkind. A teacher makes a decision they don’t like. A sibling takes their favorite seat. A game doesn’t go the way they expected.
Children may place the whole situation inside their circle because they want it to change. That’s an opportunity to explore the difference between controlling what happened and choosing their next move.
For some children, it helps to pair the Circle of Control with a pause, a familiar character or a real situation from their week. The goal isn’t to make the feeling disappear. It’s to help them recognize that they still have choices.
Keep the language concrete:
About ages 13 to 17
“You might be completely right. But is this something you can control?”
Teenagers often have strong opinions about fairness, rules, expectations and how other people behave. Sometimes those opinions are justified. The Circle of Control doesn’t ask them to pretend otherwise. Instead, it creates room for a different question: What part of this situation is actually yours to decide?
A teen might not control a teacher’s grading policy, another person’s opinion or whether a friend responds to a message. They may have choices about how they communicate, whether they ask for clarification, what boundaries they set or where they direct their attention.
These conversations can be especially useful when someone feels stuck between wanting things to be different and not knowing what to do next.
Grades, roommates and uncertain plans
“Where are you spending energy, and where can that energy actually help?”
College and early adulthood bring a different set of situations. Grades. Roommates. Relationships. Professors. Jobs. Money. Uncertain plans. Some things are clearly within a student’s control. Others depend on people, policies, opportunities and circumstances beyond them. Many sit somewhere in between.
A student can’t guarantee a particular grade, but they can choose how they prepare, ask questions, seek support or respond to feedback. They can’t control how a roommate behaves, but they can communicate expectations and decide how to respond.
The Circle of Control can turn a broad, overwhelming situation into a more specific conversation about available choices.
Work, family and big changes
“What is yours to carry, and what isn’t?”
The Circle of Control stays relevant well beyond school. Adults may be navigating workplace expectations, family responsibilities, relationships, health concerns or major life changes.
A manager’s decision may be outside someone’s control. Raising a concern, setting a boundary or deciding on a next step may be within it. A family member’s reaction may be unpredictable. The words someone chooses and the boundaries they keep are different questions.
The exercise isn’t about pretending that difficult circumstances are simple. It’s about telling apart what can be changed, what can be influenced and what may need a different response.
The interesting part
At first glance, sorting things into two categories seems straightforward. Then someone picks up a piece labeled Grades and tests. Or Friends. Or Getting sick. Where does it go?
That’s where the conversation often becomes more meaningful. A grade depends on effort, preparation, how the test is written and other factors. A friendship involves two people. Health can involve personal choices alongside circumstances no one chooses.
Opening Play lets pieces sit on the line between the two zones, creating room to talk about partial influence. You might ask, “What part of this can you influence, even if you can’t control the whole thing?” Or, “What part of this isn’t yours to manage?”
There’s no right-or-wrong scoring. The value comes from the conversation you have while making the circle.
Try it without a screen
You don’t need technology to explore the Circle of Control. A piece of paper and a good question can be a wonderful place to start.
Draw a smaller circle inside a larger one. Label the center What I Can Control and the area around it What I Cannot Control.
Invite your client to name situations, choices or concerns and decide where they belong. If something feels complicated, let it sit on the line.
Write one situation on each sticky note. Sort the notes together, moving them as the conversation develops.
Sticky notes work well because changing your mind is part of the exercise.
Skip the long list. Ask someone to describe something that’s been bothering them. Then explore: What happened? Which parts are up to you? Which parts aren’t? What choices are available now?
Sometimes one situation is enough for an entire conversation.
Opening Play brings the Circle of Control into a guided digital activity, with ready-made pieces, your own words, flexible placement and a finished circle you can download. Use it in person or share your screen over telehealth.
The story behind the activity
Opening Play was created by Danielle Lloyd, founder of Carolina ADHD Coaching. In her coaching practice, Danielle has introduced the Circle of Control to children, teenagers, college students and adults, including professionals in their 60s.
The situations change, but one pattern comes up again and again. People often spend an enormous amount of energy trying to manage something that isn’t entirely theirs to control.
The Circle of Control offers a way to explore those situations without dismissing how someone feels about them. Danielle often returns to a simple question:
“Where is that in your circle?”
Over time, that question can become familiar enough that clients begin asking it themselves. Opening Play’s interactive version was built to make those conversations more flexible, visual and personal.
Because the most useful circle isn’t necessarily the one someone completes perfectly. It’s the one they remember when they need it.
More than a worksheet
A traditional Circle of Control worksheet can be a helpful introduction. But the examples on a worksheet don’t always reflect what’s happening in someone’s life.
A ten-year-old might be thinking about a difficult school day. A college student might be worried about grades or friendships. An adult might be dealing with a workplace conflict or an uncertain decision.
With Opening Play, you can begin with familiar pieces, change the wording or add a specific situation, and move a piece again as the conversation changes.
The circle becomes something you create together, rather than something the client is simply asked to complete.
About the Circle of Control
The Circle of Control is a visual exercise that helps people tell the difference between things they can control and things they cannot. A typical Circle of Control diagram has a center for personal choices and actions, surrounded by things outside someone’s direct control.
For example, we may be able to choose our words, effort and responses. We generally cannot control another person’s thoughts, feelings, decisions or reactions. The exercise encourages people to notice where they’re directing their attention and consider what choices remain available.
It’s used in coaching, counseling, education, personal development and other settings. The Circle of Control is not a diagnostic tool or a substitute for professional care. Practitioners can adapt it to the age, needs and circumstances of the people they work with.
The Circle of Control draws on a long-standing distinction between what is within our power and what is not. That distinction appears in Stoic philosophy and in later approaches to personal responsibility, decision-making and coping with uncertainty.
A related modern framework was popularized by Stephen R. Covey in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, which introduced the widely recognized Circle of Concern and Circle of Influence. Today, versions of the Circle of Control appear in classrooms, counseling offices, coaching sessions and personal development resources, with labels like control, influence, concern and acceptance.
The central idea remains useful: not every situation is ours to control, but we can explore the choices available to us.
The Circle of Control focuses on what someone can directly choose or do. The Circle of Influence covers situations where a person may be able to affect an outcome without deciding it. For example, you can choose to communicate clearly with someone, but you cannot guarantee how they will respond.
Some Circle of Control activities show this with separate circles. Opening Play uses the line between the two zones, where clients can place situations involving partial influence or uncertainty. That gives you room to explore the nuance without forcing every situation into one category.
It can be a useful activity for exploring situations involving frustration, emotional regulation, flexible thinking, problem-solving and decision-making. For someone with ADHD, a situation may feel especially hard when several things are happening at once. The Circle of Control offers a visual way to break the situation into smaller parts and consider possible responses.
It doesn’t eliminate frustration or solve executive function challenges on its own. It’s one tool practitioners can use alongside other strategies and supports. See more activities for ADHD and executive function coaches.
Yes. The Circle of Control is a flexible reflective exercise that therapists and counselors may bring into their existing approach when appropriate. It can be a starting point for conversations about choices, boundaries, reactions and uncertainty. The activity itself isn’t a clinical assessment or treatment protocol. Practitioners decide how it fits their clients and professional responsibilities.
Yes. Opening Play runs in a web browser, so you can share the interactive Circle of Control during a virtual session. Guide the activity while your client chooses where pieces belong, or use it together on a shared device in person. Clients don’t need their own accounts. More ideas for online sessions are in our guide to telehealth games.
Works wherever you meet
Opening Play runs in a web browser, with nothing to install. Use it on a shared device in person, or pull it up over video and share your screen.
Your clients never need an account.
Client names and answers are never saved.
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ExploreA familiar activity can lead to an entirely different conversation when it’s built around the person in front of you. Try the Circle of Control and everything else in Opening Play free for 14 days. No card needed.